As most of you know, my mom passed away last week in Palm Springs while on vacation. As I process the sadness that I feel, I am compelled to write about what an amazing women she was and why I loved her so much. I feel I am writing for one of those essay type contests where you would explain who you admire the most or who your hero is. Mine would most definitely be my mom.
My mom grew up the oldest of four and was born mid way through the depression. Her parents moved around a lot and they lived in places like Ruskin, Haney, Webster's Corners and Maple Ridge. My mom was often left to look after her siblings and although she learned a lot of responsibility young, there are stories of mom smoking behind the paper shack, charging cigarettes to her Mom's credit at the store and then selling them to her siblings and even convincing one of her sisters to eat rocks. Mom did grow out of that and while in high school worked at a local drug store and eventually graduated from high school (rare in that day and age and the only one to do so in her family). Mom wanted to be a pharmacist but decided instead to go into psychiatric nursing at Essondale (later known as Riverview Hospital). Mom stayed with this profession for 40 years. Mom also joined the Canadian Naval Reserve in her early 20's and served with them in a variety of capacities for over 30 years. She was one of the first women in Canada to be promoted to Chief Petty Officer First Class in the Canadian Navy. This is the highest rank for a non-commissioned officer in the Canadian Navy. She served as Coxswain (head of navy personnel) at HMCS Discovery for a term and served in other capacities in recruiting and in the sick bay.
When Mom was in her early 20's, she and a friend quit their jobs and decided to hitch hike across North America for a year. She travelled all over the US and Eastern Canada. She found it quite easy to navigate around especially when wearing her navy uniform. She told me a story about getting on a public transit bus in Alabama and sitting at the back of the bus. She was told by others on the back of the bus that this was not something white people do down here in Alabama and she could get into trouble. I am so proud of my mom's response. She said that she was from Canada and up there we don't have those kinds of rules and people can sit anywhere they want. They were very interested in hearing about Canada after that. My mom was very brave for doing so in the 1950's and she is my own civil rights hero in my heart.
Mom eventually returned home and picked up her job again without missing a beat. You could do so in those days as jobs were plentiful. Mom met dad on her bowling team and after eight years of marriage, they had my sister and five years after that they had me. My mom did a rare thing in those days and was a working mom. She missed lots of sports days, mother's day teas and even my lead in the school's Christmas play but she was breaking the tradition of being a stay at home mom. She was so fortunate she did, because my mom and dad separated when I was eight years old and she had to work hard to support two growing girls. It was a very difficult time for her. She was looked down upon at that time for being a single mom but had the attitude that she didn't need people like that in her life. Good on you, Mom!
My mom was an amazing single mom. She sacrificed so much for us. Both my sister and I figure skated for quite a few years. I remember seeing my mom's bank statements and it being in overdraft. She never asked me to quit skating even though she couldn't afford it. Even on my bad days, when I wanted to quit, she never took the easy road and said okay when she knew the next day I would change my mind. My mom found the time to sew and bead all my skating costumes and even helped others with theirs during skating carnival time. I know that she stayed up to the early hours just to keep up with all that needed to be done.
Mom started to date Dave a couple years after Dad left. When I was about thirteen, I asked my mom if she ever planned to get married again. She said that Dave had asked her but that she said no because she didn't think that my sister and I would like that. I told her that we were growing up and she still had the rest of her life to live and she needed to think of herself and what she wanted. Pretty remarkable for Mom to listen to her thirteen year old daughter's advice. Dave and her were married that year. What a brave man Dave was to marry into a family with two teenage girls. I don't know how he survived!!!
At age 56, Mom retired. The benefits of being a working mom. Not many of us can say we will retire at 56 in our futures.
When Dave retired, Mom and Dave moved up to the Okanagan. They travelled to so many different places. They have been to every continent except Antarctica. I am so happy that my mom had over 20 years to enjoy retirement and I really believe she made the most of it.
When my kids were born, Mom became Grandma Tutu. She had given a book to Heather that was about a little girl and her Grandma in Hawaii. Grandma is Tutu in Hawaiian. My children have been very fortunate to have many grandmas and grandpas and we had to come up with names so that they knew who was who. My children are in love with their Grandma Tutu and enjoyed when they visited or we visited them.
In closing, my mom made me be a better person. She was a pioneer; being the rare career women and single mom in her day. She was brave, compassionate, creative, involved, and a forward thinker. She sacrificed, fought, forgave and lead by example. She is the best person I have ever known and I will miss her every day.
I am so proud that you were my mom. I love you Mum.
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